A Little Break

I have a wedding tomorrow, and then I'm off on holiday for a week on monday - so there won't be any blog type activity until next weekend.

The trip is to a holiday camp (Butlins) which my wife and I thought perfect for our two kids. Unfortunately there will be other people there as well - and I'm not a fan of other people - especially other people who travel to holiday camps en masse.

So I'll probably spend a week not talking to anyone.

I'll be back next weekend to tell you all about it - unless I run off with a 23 year old female redcoat.

(This means I'll be missing the saturday game of the new BritBlogger challenge, and the tuesday game - but I'll be playing on sunday)

New Britblogger Challenge!!

Alcanthang, Acornman and myself have worked in conjunction with Full Tilt Poker to bring about a great new series of tournaments with some great prizes for British Bloggers.

The first game takes place on saturday 16th August( 7pm UK/2pm est under private tab), and for this individual game, the top two finishers will win a
ticket to FTOPS event number 24!

This game will also form the first of a series of games -
one being the weekly Bloggerment on sunday nights (now on
Full Tilt), and another game every tuesday night. These will
run until saturday 13th September, where there will be
another saturday night game to finish the series.

The top two finishers (UK and Ireland players only) in the
series will win an all-expenses paid trip to London
including hotel costs for the live recording of the
"Million Dollar Cash Game" at the Hellenic centre
on the 17th/18th September!

Confirmed players are Phil Hellmuth, Erick Lindgren, John Juanda, Eli Elezra, Tom "Durrr" Dwan, Tony G, Andy Bloch, Chris Ferguson,Patrick Antonius, Gus Hansen, Phil Ivey and Allen Cunningham.

All games with have a $5 buy-in and the password is:"donkament".

The league table will be updated by Alcanthang on his blog
and he will be using the following formula to determine the standings.

Points = 10 * [sqrt(n)/sqrt(k)] * [1+log(b+0.25)] Where:n
is the number of entrants k is the place of finish (k=1 for
the first-place finisher, and so on) b is the buy-in amount
in dollars. For freerolls the buy-in is $0

Bored of the Grind

In the last three or four weeks I haven't really played much poker.
I haven't had the appetite to play - I've had the time, but instead of insta-loading up a poker table or two, I've done something else.
I think it's because I'd been grinding for six months, and although it did a lot of good to my bankroll, it became something that I felt I had to do, instead of something that I felt I wanted to do.
And right now, the thought of loading three or four tables to increase my bankroll just doesn't entice me any more.

I've decided to change my focus for a while.
I need another aim in poker, and I'm going to try and do something that I've never done - but have always wanted to.
I want to play in the sunday million on Stars.
I have a roll of about $600 right now. So I could easily enter it this sunday - but that is too much of a step for me - so I'm going to try and earn it.
I would play some satellites, but I don't like the structure of any - so I'm going to create my own satellites. And I'm also going to try and qualify for nothing.

A quick version of my plan :

Make money quickly, win the sunday million, and sail off into the sunset (purchasing a boat between winning the sunday million and sailing off into the sunset).

A more detailed version of my plan :

Give myself $22 to pay with.
Enter four $5 STT's.
Any profit is my "bank" to attempt qualification.
Any loss or break even, and I have failed and will start again.

Use my "bank" to enter four STT's - the stakes being dependant on the size of my bank (could easily be $1 STT's to start).
At the end of every four STT's, look at the size of the bank.
If I have $0 - it is over - and I'll start again.
If I have between $0 and $215, I'll play another four STT's.
If I have $215 or over, I'm in that weeks Sunday Million.

Could be fun, shouldn't be a disaster - and hopefully it will bring the excitement of the game back.

***Oooh, Oohh - live update!!
Played my first four $5 STT's and made a nice $14 (two seconds and a third)
So...I have to turn $14 into $215
$14 is almost perfect for four $3.40 turbos.
So that is next.
Update over***

****Update 2

First hand of one of the turbos

What is your move?? (and yes it did hold)

I managed to have another two seconds and a third (strangely enough), so I've now got $24 to play with. Four standard $5 STT's and an 18 player $1.75 turbo await!!

A note to all bloggers - watch this space!!
There could be some big news regarding tournies coming imminently.

Up above the streets and houses...

Saw an amazing rainbow last night. It was perfectly formed - and spanned from one side of our road to the other. I managed to point it out to our eldest daughter (four and a half) but our youngest daughter (21 months) just pointed towards the sky and said "kkyyyyy" ("sky" in toddler talk).
The rainbow stayed around for about half an hour, until it eventually faded away - but in terms of rainbows, this was up there with the best of them. In fact, if there was a best rainbow competition - this would definitely get my vote - unless of course I saw a better one.

On the subject of rainbows - something has bothered me for a long, long time.
There used to be a TV programme called Rainbow (if you are from these shores, you'll know it immediately - if not, you're probably wondering why I have spelt programme with two "m"s and an "e").
Now on this show there was a cast of characters.

Zippy - a mouthy little bugger. Not sure what he was supposed to be - but he was orange and had a zip for a mouth.

Bungle - A man in a teddy bear outfit, that was supposed to look like a teddy bear, but looked like a man in a teddy bear outfit. A bit too weedy to be a real bear.

George - A pink hippo with blue eyes. Used to panic a lot.

Geoffrey - Top man. Managed to keep it real whilst living in a house with a hippo, teddy bear and a zip-mouthed thing.

Rod, Jane and Freddy.
Now Rod, Jane and Freddy (singing in the hot air balloon above, or should I say singing hot-air in a balloon) are the ones that bother me. You see, as a kid, I always wondered what the relationship was between the three.

Was Rod married to Jane, or was Freddy married to Jane?

Or were Rod and Jane just boyfriend and girlfriend - or likewise with Freddy and Jane?

Maybe Rod and Freddy just had designs on Jane?

But as I grew older, and my mind became more adult, I began to condider the possibility that Rod, Jane and Freddy were involved as a three-some, a three-ball, a menage-a-trois. Takey-turneys no less (hey I just made the phrase "takey-turneys" up).

Now finally, at the age of 37, I have figured out the answer - and it was clear all along - and it's very clear watching the clip.

Sadly, I doubt Jane ever got a look in.

Soup

I'm off to a wedding on saturday - my cousin is getting married in Islington. It's actually at around the same time that Arsenal are playing - so there will be thousands of the buggers wearing red shirts around. Which is nice.
I do feel sorry for these people though - not knowing what it is like to win a trophy for so long....

I went out this morning and bought a new suit - with my wife and two kids.
I told my daughters what we were doing, and when we got to the shopping centre my oldest daughter looked confused.
"Daddy, I thought you were going out to buy some soup for the wedding."
I must speak more clearly.

The poker front is pretty bad - not particularly focused at the moment.
When I'm winning and playing well, I get into a zone - and I feel unbeatable - and I seem to go through stages where the results are fantastic.
But when it's not going so well, I am less focused, less bothered and therefore the results go downhill.
Gotta get back into mindset number one - and quickly.

Some Tommy Cooper Jokes for you :

I had a meal last night.
I ordered everything in French,
Surprised everybody,
It was a Chinese restaurant

"My dog doesn't eat meat"
"Why not?"
"We don't give him any"

I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife.
Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs....
But she is good with the kids.

I bumped into an old friend the other day.
He's got poor eyesight as well.

I rang up the local building firm.
I said "I want a skip outside my house"
He said "I'm not stopping you"

I had a ploughmans lunch the other day.
He wasn't happy.

Things I Find Funny about People (that you may or may not)

1. When it is raining, and there is is an old person walking along the road, and they scrunch up their faces as they walk into the rain.
2. When you are sitting in a traffic jam, and there is a guy sitting in a nearby car in a business suit, obviously annoyed and agitated by the traffic - red faced and jumpy.
3. When someone picks up a coffee, and drinks the first mouthful - and then makes an overstated "Aaahhh", and then are suddenly bristling with energy despite the coffee not actually having any effect yet.
4. When you see a bloke walking down the road, with a slight bowl - obviously putting it on, to make himself appear more "street".
5. When someone walks out of a hairdresser/barber - and as they walk out of the door, they always stop and either run their hands through their hair or wipe their neck with the tissue/wipe they have been given (next time you are walking past one watch - it happens every time).
6. Men between forty and sixty who whistle all the time. I've always had an opinion that men who whistle use whistling as a substitute for sex. Young men don't whistle, as they are getting it - more elderly men don't whistle, as they don't want to do it any more (apart from the more sprightly randy buggers) - but in this age group there are the people who are getting it and then there are the whistlers.
Next time you see a whistler, you'll now know why he is whistling.
7. People who carry a big bunch of keys on their belt loop - at least 50 keys - the more keys, the more power they have - and they want people to KNOW!!
8. People who change their minds/opinions continually based upon the latest tabloid opinion (normally found en masse in supermarkets)
9. People who use the word "yeah" after every sentence.
"I was in the car, yeah, and I was sat at the lights, yeah, and my stereo was on loud, yeah........"
10. Women who wear those slippers with those furry bits on top (normally pink, blue or green). A dying breed unfortunately, still to be seen on the over-50's in general - but if I was in charge, I'd make every woman wear them.


Unfortunately I missed my two favourite tournies last night - the Bloggerment and the RTRleague game.
My eldest daughter had a very restless night on saturday night, so I only had around two hours sleep - and at a quarter to nine last night I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I unregistered from both of them.
Lucky I did, as I was sound asleep by nine.

Spot the Difference

A little game for you to pass the time - and don't ever say I don't provide entertainment on this blog (there are 11 differences - and you can click to enlarge).

How many did I get?

None

Why?

Because it's a silly game for 4 year olds.

But I am trying to make a point here. I've always thought there was a big difference between levels in poker, but the more I am playing, the more I realise that there are people with too much money willing to spunk it for a cheap thrill weak players at all levels.

And the more I realise this, the more I understand how important bankroll management is.

The difference between NL25 and NL50 is very small in my opinion, so as long as I keep treating the cash as chips and not cash, I will make money until I find a level that is too good for me.

And hopefully, that will be a while yet.
(And why is that clown balloon scaring me? And why do clowns always scare me?)

12 minutes of hell

Thought I'd move up to a little bit of NL50 - not quite rolled for it, but haven't played much, and felt I'd have a little gamble.

Lost a buy-in after 3 minutes.

I have AJ suited, and the flop is Jxx, so I have top pair but I also have a nut flush draw. My opponent pushes me after I raise, and I think about it and call.
He has top pair with a 9 kicker.
9 comes on the turn.

I then push with KK after a raise-re-raise scenario.
My opponent has AQ, and hits an Ace on the flop.

I then have a pair of queens, and a loose player raises pre-flop. I re-raise, and he insta goes all-in. This was a real toughie, but I decided to call. He also has QQ - but he hits a flush on the river.

$150 gone.
And didn't do diddlysquat wrong.
Did win about $70 Sklansky dollars though.
Woopy Doo

And the reason I moved up was because I have a bonus to clear - and I haven't got an awful lot of time to play.
Think I managed to clear about 15 cents in that time.
Woopy Doo

And the bonus is worth $240, so that is nearly two thirds of the bonus gone anyway.
Woopy Doo

"What!!" said the Cloud

"But you have such a wide range?"
"How can it be?" he said. Frustration raged in him. His pair of Queens looking somewhat sheepish in the face of the two black Kings staring back at him.
Neither the flop, turn or the river came to his rescue, so the great position he had in the tournament was no more. He slumped back in his chair and pondered thoughtfully.
"All is not lost", he said aloud.
And he was right, he was still in the game.
A couple of laps of the table came and went, and with it a couple of sips of red wine.
He looked around at the other avatars. A baby, a dog, another dog, and the logo of a German training site with a reputation for being somewhat weak.

Finally he received a hand. A black Jack and a red one. Time was of the essence, so every single one of his chips went towards the middle of the table.
What did he want? Everyone to fold? A call? He wasn't sure - but his answer came soon enough.
The chips next to the baby avatar also went towards the middle - and Cloud braced himself to see the cards he was up against...
Delight spread across his face when he saw a pair of tens. This was his chance, his opportunity to get back into the game. Dollar signs were dancing in front of his eyes.
The flop was good - he didn't want to see a ten - but there was a slight worry. There was a runner runner flush chance for his opponent.
The turn card appeared....the flush was still alive.
It couldn't happen could it?
Surely his dreams wouldn't go up in flames like this?
His throat was dry.
As if in slow motion, Cloud blinked at the same moment as the river card appeared.
As his eyes re-opened the sight he saw was sickening.
The four suited cards on the board spelled doom for the Cloud - and the pop-up confirmed the end of his adventure.

Beneath his calm facade, Cloud was trying to keep a rein on his emotions.
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
Each word being exclaimed louder than the previous.

Eventually calm, Cloud decided to enter another $4 180 player tournament on PokerStars.

Promise

I have a new challenge/prop bet.
My challenge is to make some cash on the Pokerstars Battle of the Planets promotion - and I have 6 weeks to do it, starting today. I have four $10 prop bets against it happenning, so Cloudyboy better get cracking.

I played a couple of MTT's yesterday - and cashed in both - though both were very different.
The first was a $4 180 player game.
I had just finished reading Rizens blog, and I found a little bit of inspiration in the following passage.

"In a few threads on the forums and some comments I've received on my videos I've noticed that a lot of people are stuck on "correct" or "standard" plays. While I have always thought that it's important to have default plays that you alter according to the situation, trying to fit your game in to a "correct" mold is the negative side to that, and often results in players being left behind as the game changes. We don't want to be doing what all the other solid players are doing, we want to be tearing up those solid players and staying ahead of the learning curve."

It sparked something in me - a realisation as to why I am finding the game a bit boring right now - as my game is played to a "standard" formula right now, and I am not finding it exciting.
So I went into the $4 game with a slightly different mentality.
My aim was to mix it up as much as possible, concentrate on making as many chips as I could every hand without being a lunatic, and aim at all times for first place.
And it went really well early on, shipped up from the starting stack of 1500 up to 10,000 in the first hour - and after a couple of hours I was in the cash.
I went into the cash in third place - and was looking for a big cash now.
Unfortunately I lost a huge, huge flip between myself and a guy a couple of places below me (my pair of tens against AQ) and I was back in the pack.
I still had a lot of chips, but then I went really card dead, and went about four laps without seeing any action (it was shove/fold time) and then I finally saw AQ and pushed and ran into QQ - and finished 8th.

The next MTT was a $10 45 player game on Stars.
I had the same mentality, and I was absolutely flying - took the chip lead early, and stayed there throughout the tournie. The top seven got paid, and with seven left I had half of the chips at the table.
And then it all went horribly wrong.
The guy in third shoved, but he took a little longer to make his decision than was the table norm (the game had quite a pace to it) and this told me he was weak. I don't always use timing online, but this gave me a real gut feeling - so I called himw with AQ.
I was right - he had Ace Ten - and then a bloody ten on the river took away a lump of my stack.
A couple of hands later I pushed with Ace Jack, and got called by KQs - and a King hit on the flop.
And then I lost a couple of flips - and I finished seventh - which I couldn't believe. Five minutes earlier, I had no doubt at all that I would win the tournament - and I really felt I deserved at least a big cash - but it wasn't to be.

From a result orientated view, it was OK - two small cash wins.
But from a poker point of view I was extremely pleased. With a little bit of luck late on, I could have been writing about the day that Cloudyman took down two MTT's.

It's the Bloggerment tonight.
Pokerstars 9pm - under the private tab. $5 entry and the password is "donkament".
After my win two weeks ago, and runner up spot last week I'm chomping at the bit.
See you there!!

It's also the start of the RTR Premier League tonight.
Watch out guys - Cloudyman is coming.

Sincerely

Cloud

Writing

Poker is not great at the moment.
Think I've bubbled 5 or 6 times this week and it's really pissing me off.
I'm finding the game a little boring at the moment, which is worrying for a poker blogger. Although I have to say that I have always enjoyed the blogging side of it more than the poker anyway. And the great thing about having a silly name like my blog has, is that you don't only have to write about poker - you can write about gymnasts as well ;o)
Being a little more serious, I do really enjoy writing, and have recently got back into writing a few more short stories, and was pleased to find out a couple of days ago that one of my old ones will feature in Tao of Poker Pauly's Truckin' site in September. I've featured on there twice before(here and here,) so this will be my hat-trick, and it is also my favourite story that I have written - so I'm looking forward to seeing any reaction.

I've always wanted to write a poker story - and it is something I am in the middle of working on right now. It's possible I will serialise it on this blog.
It's tough to think up a story about poker without it coming across a bit corny - but that is what I am trying to achieve.



I only play two social games of poker.
One is the weekly bloggerment.
The other is the RaiseTheRiver league game.
And they are both being played at exactly the same time from this weekend.
Which is crap.
Because multi-tabling "social" games defeats the object somewhat.
But there you go.
Better get my fingers typing extra fast.
Anyone need a secretary?

Sincerely

Cloud

Victoria Coren

Pokerstars has a new look!!
Black.
Which is good.
Because I like black.
And black is the new black - apparently.
And black is black, I want my baby back.
And not only that, but they are sending me e-mails from Victoria Coren.
No, Victoria Coren is sending ME e-mails!
Victoria Coren is sending e-mails to a guy who has a blog called "Hairygymnast.com".
And, yes I appreciate that it might be a bulk e-mail - but even so.
Victoria Coren is sending me e-mails.
Now Victoria Coren is in a category that I would call "Thinking Man's Totty".
But I hate the saying "Thinking Man's Totty" - because it is normally said by some smarmy wanker with a knowing smile - but she probably can be regarded as such.
Attractive and a good poker player.
Kylie Minogue sends me e-mails too, although I'm not sure how good she is at poker - and I'm guessing they are bulk e-mails too...
Wouldn't it be cool if Victoria Coren read my blog. And Kylie.
Though Victoria might find it a little more interesting than Kylie - unless Kylie is a secret poker player.
Wouldn't it be funny if Kylie won the main event in the WSOP next year.
That would be a curveball.
Not so much with Victoria. That wouldn't be a huge shock.
But if she won it after a long heads up battle with Kylie - that would probably classify as a shock. Though I'd probably pay to see it.

Now Victoria Coren is sending me e-mails about the London EPT event coming up in October. And this looks to be my kind of event. So I think I'll have a go at qualifying. I might set aside $100 of my bank towards that aim.
Wonder if people would pay to watch me? Against Victoria? Against Kylie? Against both? I'd pay to watch me against both.

So anyway. The London EPT. I'm gonna try and qualify.
And that is what this post was all about.

Sincerely,

Cloud

Wiki Wiki Wiki

Sitting in front a PC all day can be sometimes quite boring, and when I haven't got a poker table running (which seems to be more and more often - but that is another story for another day) I have invented this game.

It's called Wiki-fight.

Here are the rules.

1. Go to wikipedia.org
2. Type in a random subject in the search field on the home page (carrots, communism or flamethrowers for example)
3. Ignore the page that comes up, and head straight for the "Random Article" link on the left hand side (near the top).
4. Keep hitting the button until you come to a person.
5. Open up another window, and then do the same again.
6. Now you have two people.

Now they fight!!!

You can set your own rules for the fight.
Here are the options :

1) Imagine a real physical fight between the two - and declare a winner.
2) Declare the winner by seeing which person has been the most successful in their particular field.
3) The winner is the person whose entry on Wikipedia is the longest.
4) The winner is the better looking of the two. (Obviously for this option you have to keep going until you find a person with a picture - and it can take a while).

I'll perform a real wiki-fight now - using rule number 4 - the good looking factor.

Number 1 - Jean Claude Guedon - here.
Number 2 - William C. Pfefferle - here

Now this is actually quite a close one, and being a straight male, i'm finding it tough to choose - but I'm going to have to go for Jean - mainly because of the name.

Although if I was to use rule number one, and have a fight, Bill would win hands down (it's in the eyes) - and it's pretty clear that Bill would also win using rules two and three.

Just think, the possibilities are endless. You could run leagues, a wiki-fight World Cup, a WikiSuperBowl!!
But remember, no cheating - random articles only.

In a hurry this morning..

...I mistyped the web address for this page - I typed in "www.hairygymnat" instead, missing an "s".
I got this page up :





Now this probably looks too small for you to read, so I'm going to expand one of the "related websites" which google suggests I look at (if you look closely you'll see it's the middle one on the list, or just click to see a full size image).





"Old Hairy Ladies" for sale on ebay.

Now surely there is some kind of rule against this - human trafficking is a major problem in this day and age - but to traffic the elderly because they are hairy...well, that is a bridge too far in my book - even if the seller does have a good rating..

And I'm not sure the words "feed your passion" are particularly appropriate here.

And then I noticed on the right hand side - under the related searches heading :

"Hairy Ball Theorem".
"Strange" I thought. So I delved a little deeper, and the "Hairy Ball Theorem" is a scientific equation.
A comedy version of it here :
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hairy_ball_theorem

An actual version here :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hairy_ball_theorem

The internet gets stranger every day.

Settling in

Starting to play a few more $20 sit and go's - and I'm getting a real feel for the level now.
There are definitely less fish playing, only one or two per table - and most players seem to have a solid end game - but I'm still seeing some surprising hands around the bubble, which make me shout out "Yes! You Fucking idiot - that was terrible, and now i've cashed!! smile.
One example was in a tournie I've just finished. I'd sat around the 1500 chip mark all game long - didn't see a single showdown - had shoved five or six times late on to stop myself getting blinded out. There were 4 left - one huge stack, and three of us levellish (I was slightly lower than the other two).
The big stack is shoving every hand - because he can - and I'm just looking for a spot to be first in with at least a decent hand. Blinds are 100/200 - so even though I have only 7/8 big blinds, it's not desperate yet, because of the other two shorties.
Anyway, the big stack shoves again, and the guy in second calls - with QKo.
He has every right to think he is ahead, because he is up against any two cards - but it is a terrible call in the circumstances - and the poker gods make him pay, the big stack holding A6, and the Ace being enough.

Had two cashes out of three today - two thirds - both limping into the cash - so a small profit. Did suffer an awful bad beat in the other - flopping a set against an overpair, and the overpair hit his set on the river.

I see Robbie Keane looks like going to Liverpool today (almost done and dusted) - and I am gutted at that. Although he is 28, I think he is still improving, and I think a forward line of Keane and Torres is frightening for Liverpool - a team we should be challenging if we have any pretensions to Champions League football.
With Dimitar Berbatov seemingly on his way - it could be a very different Spurs this season.
Just wonder what formation Ramos will be playing. 4-6-0 ????

The Bloggerment Lament

One day last year, Mik and Zag had an idea
And a Bloggers game was delivered
The Bloggerment it was named, and the game became famed
For the chatters, the players and the rivered

Every Sunday at nine, for five dollars and five dimes,
Be you Blogger, Wordpress or spammer
You played your hands hard, with two premium cards,
And went out of the game to the hammer

Who came last got the monkey, it made the game funky,
It was seen on the blog the next day,
Next was the bubble, and this place was trouble,
No cash, so close, go away

The bridesmaid came second, unlucky some reckoned,
To join that particular camp
To the victor the spoils, some cash for their toils,
And the glory – the Bloggerment Champ!!

Alas, the numbers did fall, thirty six to sod all
Goodbye – the ex-tournament
Come on be a fighter, you poker blog writer,
Sign up, tonight, “donkament”

The Bloggerment - Pokerstars - 9pm - Password "donkament" - tonight!!

Dear Phil

Dear Phil Ivey,

I am writing to you today to thank you for the recent increase in my bankroll. It was much appreciated, and despite not being a great cash player (more of an STT kind of guy), any time I make a buy-in is very helpful indeed.
You are probably wondering who I am, and why I am writing to you - seeing as the buy-in I made wasn't actually against you, and I have never played you (I will though, baby!! - watch me fly!!)
The buy-in I made was against a player whose avatar was of yourself, and this seemed to inspire my opponent to think he was some kind of poker god - with the ability to take any two cards to the river.
But I tend to find that going all-in with un-paired undercards as a bluff isn't a great move when your opponent is tight, and the board is 10, J, Q - especially when the same opponent has A K.

I am of the understanding that there are many such players who suffer from the same "I'm Phil Ivey" affliction - as well as many "I'm Gus Hansen" sufferers, although strangely there aren't nearly as many "I'm Greg Raymer" players.

So, as a suggestion - maybe you could write to Stars (along with Gus - though sadly not Greg) and ask them to pay you an "I'm Phil Ivey" tax - this money coming from the lucky buggers like me who make big wins against these players - 10% from every big pot. This would make you a fortune, and you'll never have to play poker again - just rake in lots of cash (apart from the 15% that you'll give to the guy who thought of the idea in the first place)

Thanks for your time, and just to let you know I am hosting a home game soon, and I'd be very grateful if you would consider coming. I do have three bottles of Becks in the fridge, as well as a double packet of custard creams (not in the fridge of course), and a poker pal of mine has a herbal tea collection that he has promised to bring with him. Maybe you could ask Gus to come along (not Greg though).

Regards

Mr Cloud
www.hairygymnast.com

PS Do you like Frazzles?

The Season Starts Now

Today the football season starts.
Glory, trophies, meat pies and those rattle things that no one uses any more - but really should - because they are great.
This season I have decided to follow a total of four teams.
Firstly, the love of my football life.
Tottenham Hotspur
Supporting Spurs is like meeting the woman of your dreams every August. You have great hopes that this woman will fulfill your every need, and for the next nine months you will be in dreamland.
However, you realise by early October that this woman has a bad case of Halitosis and an ex-husband with copious tattoos who has just come out of prison and is angry.

Dream : A glorious 4th place finish, and a UEFA Cup win!!
Realistic Prediction : 7th place finish and an FA Cup semi-final.

Enfield Town FC
The second love of my football life.
Enfield Town were formed when a group of supporters of Enfield FC decided to form their own club, when Enfield were debt-ridden and their ground was sold.
Enfield FC had a mighty non-league tradition, and the spirit of Enfield FC remains in ETFC.
They will start this season in the Ryman League division 1 North (the eighth tier in English football), and they are are only 4 seasons away from league football!!
But I was saying that four years ago.

Dream : Win the league, and make the FA Cup third round!!
Realistic Prediction : Win the league - or at least make the playoffs (2nd to 5th)

Queen of the South
The first of my two new teams.
I've always thought I should follow a Scottish team, and without going for one of the obvious two - I thought I would go for the "Doonhamers".
I saw them play twice last season, a glorious Scottish Cup semi-final and final - one a fantastic victory, one a fantastic loss.
A march on Europe beckons in the UEFA Cup.

Dream : Win promotion to the SPL, and win the UEFA Cup!!
Realistic Prediction : Promotion to the SPL.

Carl Zeiss Jena
A name I have always followed since I was a kid. We had a Welsh PE teacher, who was a huge fan of Newport County, and they reached the quarter final of the European Cup Winners Cup in 1981. I was ten at the time, and the PE teacher never stopped going on about it.
They met Carl Zeiss Jena in the quarter finals - and despite gaining a great 2-2 draw in (East) Germany, they lost the home leg 1-0.
Carl Zeiss Jena eventually finished runners-up.
And since then Jena has always been on my radar.

They now play in the newly formed German third division - and the Jena glory train is ready to depart.

Dream : Promotion to the German 1st division as Champions, German Cup Winners!!
Realistic Ambition : Promotion


QoS and Jena both play today!!
Come on the "Doonhamers" and the "Jena"!!!!

I AM A WINNING PLAYER!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!!
I am an all-time winning player!!
On sharkscope I am now in profit.

Take a look at my lovely little graph, and you will see it has popped above the $0 line for the first time in a long time.
You'll also notice that up until the 500 game mark, it was pretty wild - I'll call it my "Peaches Geldof" period, and it was at the 500 game mark that I decided to join PokerXFactor (which incidentally I am not a member of any more - but I have to say I watched nearly every STT vid on there, and it was bloody fantastic - I'd recommend it).
It was at midnight on new years eve that I made this decision, it was that or give up poker for good, and since then I have turned $75 into $723.82 - which is pretty cool - but $200 of this was made with a wild decision to play a $60 STT.
I set myself a target of making $3000 this year playing poker, and it has seemed very unrealistic all along - but now I'm not so sure.
I've made a 1000% profit on the year so far, and I've got to make another 400% in the next five and a half months - although obviously it's tougher at the higher stakes.

Now I'm going to make a statement now, which may be shot down - maybe not.
"In some respects higher stakes games are easier than lower stakes games"
And here is the reason I'm saying that.
Currently I just about feel comfortable enough to play $20 STT's, and so far I have played three STT's at $20 or above in the last week - and I have managed to win all three.
Now playing at these levels, the players are generally tighter - but there is almost a formulaic way to play these games, and a lot of players are doing it. So there are times in a $20 game where I will play a hand based upon the expectancy that my opponent will do a certain thing, and it's more likely they will - in a $5 game sometimes I have no idea what my opponent will do.
I'm not saying they are easier, they are tougher, but in some passages of play, it seems a lot easier.
I know, for example, that a seven fingered, glass-eyed, ever so slightly twitchy, very loose aggressive, world gurning champion, seventy three year old from Bavaria is capable of calling with anything on the bubble.
But a tennis playing, fitness fanatic, gleaming white teeth, tight aggressive James Bond lookalike from Norrkopping is capable of folding AK on the bubble.

And the man from Norrkopping is more likely to be playing a $20 STT, than the Bavarian.

Shiny

...............................I attacked my hair with my hair clippers yesterday. I first clipped my hair around a year ago. and I've found that every time I use them I am going shorter and shorter. So currently my hair is extremely short, and not far from being non-existent. OK, baldy.

Now having done my hair, I find myself noticing other men of limited locks - and I am noticing a proliferation of shinyness. Now my palate doesn't shine - and to be honest, I'm rather glad. I don't particularly want a shiny head - as it does tend to lend more focus to the extended forehead. And it makes me wonder as to what the "shiny" people actually do.
Do they polish?
Do they make their wives polish for them?
Do they spit on their hands and have a good rub?
A special lubricant maybe?
And what worries me more - how do I prevent the Shine? Maybe if it ever happens I could use chalk to prevent the gleam. Or just sand-paper, although this does seem to be a rather painful option.

On the same subject (loosely), my eldest daughter finished nursery yesterday, and she'll be starting school in September. And as a special treat, my wife took her to Toys'R'Us and bought her a "Hannah Montana" wig. So all last night she was pretending to Hannah Montana, until for a laugh I decided to try it on.
And fuck me - I was a ringer for Keith Miller in Eastenders. I thought it, and then my wife thought it independently.

Just popping down the Queen Vic for a quiz evening...anyone fancy it??

Fish!!

If you have visited this blog in the last 24 hours or so, you might be a little confused. I have been trying out different templates, and it has probably changed around twenty times - but I have finally found one I am happy with. So there you go.
I'll be updating all my links in the next couple of days (lost them in the move).

Today I want to talk about fish.
Fish are good, in a gaping mouth, swimming around kind of way.
And as a family of four, we have decided that, in the next few weeks, we will be having some fish come live with us. Now I've drawn the line at sharks, firstly because I enjoy having two arms, and secondly, we don't really have the room for an appropriate tank. So we've decided on something a little smaller.
Piranhas are off the agenda too - vicious little fuckers - well they are in the movies. Although I did once see a guy put his arm into a tank full of piranhas, and because they had already eaten, they weren't interested in his arm (they did nick his jewellery though, and prawned it at the prawn shop).
So we have decided upon some names for the four fish we are going to have live with us. Bish, Becky, Lola and RealGoneFish.
Bish, because our youngest always says "Bish" when she sees a fish.
Becky because our eldest wanted to call her fish Becky.
Lola, because the girls both like Lola from "Charlie and Lola".
And RealGoneFish, because I loved a song from the 80's called "Real Gone Kid", and just thought it would be funny to call a fish that. Although to qualify for the name "RealGoneFish", the fish will need to have some kind of quirk. Either a squinty eye, a twitch or some kind of bodily growth, like a pair of antlers for example - something to differentiate it from a normal fish.
Now when it comes to looking after fish, I don't think I'll do great to be fair. I'm not good with plants - I even managed to kill a cactus (or cacti if you want to be pedantic), so the livelihood of the fish will be the responsibility of my wife and kids. My job is in the "keeping the fish entertained" department. I can juggle, although haven't quite mastered the art of the unicycle yet - but when I manage to do both at the same time, the fish will never want to leave - you'll never see happier fish.
So a trip to the fish shop will be taking place in a couple of weeks - and Bish, Becky, Lola and RealGoneFish will be here then. When they arrive I will supply the photos - bet you can't wait!!

That is a river!!

Back to Stars!!!!!

That was it..no more Pokerstars.

Off to Betfair...a little Full Tilt.

Until....

Stars 2x deposit bonus...a nice 40% up to $600.

And after my $60 STT win yesterday, my bankroll is now about $600.

So....

Withdrew the lot from FT and Betfair...and it's all on Stars again!!

I need to make 4800 FPP's in the next 6 months to make the $240 bonus - which shouldn't be a problem at all.

I love the site, I was missing it anyway.

And here's a peak at my new look Pokerstars table...

Another shot

Well as I told you in my last entry, I took a shot at a $20 STT, and managed to win it.
I jumped on Tilt again today and played some $0.10/$0.25 cash. Now Tilt isn't where my main bankroll is (it's on Betfair) so I'm probably not treating the Tilt money as I should - as NL25 is far too much.
And I was pissed off when I lost a buy-in, with an open ended straight and flush draw, where I went all-in. A good play, but didn't hit any of my 749 outs, so that was 25 skidalicks (just made that word up) gone.
In my anger..
Was it anger?
No, actually in my resignation and almost boredom, I entered a $55 + $5 turbo sit and go.
And then decided that was stupid...so I thought I'd come out...but it was too late.

So here I was. A $60 sit and go.
Now a couple of weeks ago I played a satellite series on Stars, and managed to get a seat into an $80 tournament, and to be fair, the standard was pretty crap - so this gave me some confidence.
I played my normal tight game early on...and there were 6...then 5....and then I doubled up with JJ....and all of a sudden I'm on the bubble, but just in last place.
Then a lovely moment when the 2nd short stack tried a silly bluff, and went out to the big stack who had KK.

So now I'm in the money, and I've felt pretty comfortable.
Then the other two went to war - and suddenly there are 2 left!!
$148 coming my way - well, an $88 profit.

But heads up, I am 1,500 - 12,000 behind.
So the other $100 I am playing for is very unlikely.

Then the poker gods decide that they will be nicer than they have ever been in my entire poker existence.
Three big hands.
Behind in all three.
Take all three on the river!!
And win the damn $247!!!!

SHIPPETTY SHIPPETTY SHIP IT!!!!

In between my two "taking a shot" victorys I managed to win my second bloggerment.
But I have to say it was a disappointment that only three players turned up.
If anyone has any ideas as to how to improve numbers in the Bloggerment, send me a note - as it is such a good tournament to play in, and it would be a huge waste if it went by the wayside. There are plenty of poker bloggers out there, and a regular game against you guys would be great. Answers on a postcard please!!
The Americans have many games - surely we can get numbers for just one?
(The Euroblogger has now been suspended for a short while)

What rhymes with Plank?

Took a bit of a shot yesterday - was looking around my accounts, and had $100 in my Tilt account - so I played a $20 STT. (Shouldn't have done it - but did).

Mr Plank was sat three seats to my right (the name has been changed to protect the ignorant).
We are about half an hour in. I have made a few chips, but haven't really done anything of note, but Mr Plank is very aggressive and had a double up after ten minutes, with an incredibly badly played AA (I say that because all-in pre-flop when the blinds are 10/20 is not good, but running into KK in the same hand is).

So...

I have 33.
Mr Plank raises from an early(ish) position. He has a very readable habit of raising just 2x the BB when he is weak, and shoving when he is strong. I'm in the big blind, and it is folded round to me. The blinds are 100/200, so there is 700 in the pot, and I'm being asked to put in another 200. I have 1600 after posting the BB, and I fugure the odds are too good not to risk another 200. (1400/1600 - at this stage they are both shoving stacks, so I figure the 200 isn't going to make much difference).

The flop comes 8 8 4.

An OK flop with an underpair, but his range is so wide, this flop bothers me. I don't have enough chips to put in a foldable continuation bet, so it's shove or fold time - and I take the conservative option of checking, ready to fold.
The aggressive Mr Plank checks behind me - which is out of character.
A thought bubble appears over my head, "He has an 8?...He has an 8?...He has an 8?".
But it's no use, unless a miracle three appears on the turn, I'm out of the hand anyway.

A miracle three appears on the turn..

I am the man with the boat.
Still not sure he has an 8, I want to get him all in, so I just bet half of my stack to try and entice him in - and he comes over the top.

There was a young man named Plank
Whose poker ability stank
He slowplayed his trips
And gave me his chips
And my boat sent him back to the bank

He did indeed have an eight (ace-eight), and I went on to win the tournie - a nice $68 profit.

Super...


Don't forget the Euroblogger tonight - click the yellow link (top right hand corner) for details!!

You Ever Seen a Grown Man Naked?

Why?

Why is the weather like March in July?
Why does Gordon Brown just not do it for me?
Why do I never watch ITV any more?
Why does the greed of some banks in America mean my mortgage will probably go up?
Why do I ALWAYS need a second coffee nowadays?
Why do my kids always manage to put a smile on my face?
Why do I stay on a poker table when I know I'm playing against good players?
Why hasn't Big Brother been scrapped yet?
Why support a football team that can only ever finish 5th?
Why do people eat Cauliflower Cheese (eeuuggghhhh) ?
Why is there always someone who knows better?
Why does supermarket curry NEVER match up to takeaway curry?
Why does Russia concern me?
Why do I find myself drawn to Calista Flockhart?
Why did they keep making Police Academy movies after the second one?
Why does the Queen have two birthdays?
Why has no-one been to the moon for so long?
Why are chocolate chip cookies always three for the price of two?
Why is not using plastic bags seen as so important in the grand scheme of things?
Why does Arsene Wenger never see anything?
Why is there only one monopolies commision? (sorry, had to put that one in, it's in every "why" list ever written - I didn't want to feel left out)
Why does Archery suddenly matter in Olympic years?
Why is toast so much nicer than bread?
Why is Washington DC the capital of the USA?
Why does everyone think they are part Irish? (I do)
Why is Walford so white?
Why is watching fire so fascinating?
Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?

Strutting